How to stay on the path of self-love

Hi friends, thanks for stopping by!

Let’s talk about our feelings today! Men- I know this may be something you pass on by but you will benefit from surrounding yourself with strong women. This week’s blog post will be a very personal topic for me and something I have been a strong advocate of. Mental health issues and integrating a positive self-love platform somehow go hand in hand for me. I hope to share an introspective insight as to what my depression, anxiety and low self-worth has looked like throughout time and I hope inspires anyone in anyway to keep showing yourself the love you deserve and continue to take on the world ~ one breakdown at a time.

FEELS. I have all the feels.

I assume because I have been told on many occasions that I have always been considered a happy girl. In middle school my nickname was “Sunshine” when I worked in the front office. I’ve considered myself a positive person for the most part while growing up. Then you turn 12 and these little nuggets of hormones start to flood your body and your mind. Strangers like depression and anxiety become neighbors, then friends over time. I denied these things to myself for a very long time because I plain just didn’t know what was wrong with me or I just didn’t want to admit it. It started for me when I was about 15 and it continues to be eternally confusing. As a young girl struggling with depression all the feels feel intensified. You inevitably go through heartbreak then add in depression + teenage hormones = literally feeling like the end of the world. At 17 it looked like not wanting to get out of your bed, don’t want to go out with friends and you think 3-4 hour naps are normal when really you’re just trying to escape reality for some reason. My mental health isn’t something to be ashamed about, but it is something that has affected me and I want to be open with you about it. I want you to know that life isn’t rainbows and filters for your perfect selfies. It isn’t pretty and unless you can be honest with yourself about your struggles, you’ll continue to struggle. I’ve learned that if we all share our insecurities they can become powerful qualities that can empower others to take the steps they need to.


For many of you, your depression can look and feel very different from mine and for some it can even be very scary at times. Depression can be small and momentary. It can also look like cutting your skin to relieve the invisible pressure building and committing suicide to escape your demons eternally. There was a point this last year where I considered suicide and the only person I told was Denis. Up to this point, I had been depressed but either ignored it (and tried to “be normal”) or it consumed me. It was especially difficult for me since people have certain expectations to stay bubbly and happy, but there was so much more going on underneath. Most days I felt fake, like I had to wear a mask throughout the day and come home and it would be overwhelming. It was a very brief moment and it was the first time my intrusive thoughts had seriously taken that option into consideration. This moment was when he was the most supportive of me and we decided for my own health’s best interest it was best to start trying meds again and seeing a therapist. I had tried meds before that hadn’t worked and it felt hopeless at one point. The special thing about depression is the inner dialogue that silently slips into your head when things are quiet. Below are a list of things I’ve told myself this past year for you to see an example..

“You’re not good enough for him”

“He’s not good enough for you”

“Your body looks so lumpy, you should take some scissors to it”

“You need to eat all of this food because maybe it will make you feel better”

“You don’t need to eat that, you’re getting gross again”

“They haven’t talked to you because they think you’re annoying”

“Why do you even keep trying?”

You may think to yourself “wow, I never would have thought Alyssa was like that“, well SURPRISE because that’s exactly what I have wanted you all to think for so long. It has worked for a very long time, but those closest to me have seen me at my worst. I want you all to know that this is what a snippet of severe depression looks like and it is quiet and sneaky and dangerous. Depression is a guilt-ridden disease. It makes you feel like you’re not doing enough, like you’re taking up too much space. Especially if you feel blessed in your life, it’s hard to understand why you feel so upset and unsatisfied with yourself and your accomplishments. It’s an battle you struggle with constantly and you have good days and bad days. It can affect those around you, I know Denis has felt helpless on many occasions. He asks how to help and my response is always “I don’t know”. That “I don’t know” is linked to so much more. I don’t know why I feel like I’m being punished. I don’t know why I’m not feeling gratitude and grateful for the sacrifices of others made for me and the ones I’ve made for myself. I don’t know why I just don’t feel like I’m enough. I don’t know why these chemicals in my brain seem to make me feel so internally imbalanced but they do. well World, I’m happy to say I’ve found the cure. It’s love.

What does a journey to from depression to self-love look like?

This journey to complete self-love is a self-indulgent one. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you have probably been putting others before yourself all too often. A lot of the time I find myself serving and thinking about others when my mental health is in the pooper. While serving others is very admirable, it serves no one to pour from an empty cup.

To love someone else, you should first learn how to love yourself. Some of us learn this lesson out of order or not at all but it is still an important one. To be honest with you all, I wouldn’t be here today without the incredible women who have paved the way for the conversations to be made. It seems like there are all of these sub-sections when it comes to self-love. Different ingredients needed to bake the self-love cake if you will.


Recipe for Self-Love

2 cups of new-found confidence

3 tablespoons of body acceptance (For yourself and others around you)

2 cups of positive inner dialogue

5 tablespoons of self-pampering

4 cups of divine femininity

1 white and green pill (in some cases)

Endless support system from within


Mix all ingredients together until you have found the perfect mix that makes you your most illuminous and divine self. Bake at 350 for however long it takes. Learn to love yourself through your failures. Once you love yourself, spread that love to others and teach them how to bake the cake of self-love and self-worth. Practice makes perfect.

I continue to not have together 100% of the time and THAT IS OKAY.

Failures are something to be relished in the moment and then let go of forever. You cant move forward with the extra luggage overflowed with negativity as much as we like to hoard these things. Let me say this part loud and clear: You deserve to be loved by yourself. There are some things we can’t change, like our genetics for example. But you can honor yourself be celebrating you when you need it the most.

I’m so thankful for the network of women I have been following over the past year that have brought this concept to light. They make me feel like I’m not the only one, that my husband isn’t the only one that struggles to stay positive while trying to support me. They make me feel like we all need support and to support each other. And I hope to keep building a female driven network of my own throughout this blog. If you’re interested in joining a support group led by me, please reach out. In the end, we are here to support each other and to learn from one another regardless of sex, dress size, social status and conventional beauty. I’ll post some insta handles to inspirational women below so you can see what this honesty and testimony sounds like coming from so many other women. They may not realize it, but this new generation of empowered women is going to be nothing like we’ve seen before. Thank you all for reading this post! Let me know if you learned something new or planning on baking that cake. I’d love to hear how your recipes turn out!!!

All my gratitude,


Instagram handles to follow! *just a few I follow, but some of my favs*

Bodyposipanda- Just finished her first book on body positivity and acceptance

NolaTrees- Badass woman warrior, yoga instructor and is CONSISTENTLY breaking the glass ceiling on so many constructs of what women “should be”

TheAshleyGraham- First plus-sized SUPER MODEL, Author, Body Activist

DaisyNatives- Austin based woman owned clothing company known for it’s original “Girls Support Girls” design that I’m sporting in my profile

BethennyFrankel- Instrumental in providing relief to Puerto Rico, Real Housewife, providing direct relief to women in crisis. You can also donate to her cause HERE

ScarredNotScared- Body activist, Michelle shares her stories about multiple surgeries and what cherishing out bodies looks like

Francis_cannon- One of my favorite artists right now! Her art is honest and beautiful!

Deep Breath

Here’s a quick preface- I hope you find relatable content through this format, and maybe see things from a different point of view. I plan on this being raw look into my journey, life and what lies for me ahead. FYI: I have no idea what the future holds just like everyone else. This content will also cover current events and people that inspire, including everything from food and culture to body positivity and acknowledgement / what those things actually mean. There is plenty of time for that, so I won’t get ahead of myself. These postings will all be true stories of either my life or others. I hope to invoke positivity, humility and intention throughout this blog and in our daily experiences.


Sometimes I speak before I think. Sometimes I actually feel others’ pain inside of me. Sometimes I write poetry but haven’t in a long time. This is how I felt after taking a long breath. 


Deep Breath

She sits and waits for the dust to settle,

To find a respectful moment to call attention to the elephant in the room.

The elephant is alive and well, it’s name is Humanity.

Humanity is anxious and the walls are closing in on us all.

How will we be tested in these moments?

What if what we believe is right,

Turns out to be wrong.

We are only humans

In the room with an elephant

 and only one world to share together.







From the beginning… let’s do this

Hello Readers of my new blog!


Here’s a quick preface- I hope you find relatable content through this format, and maybe see things from a different point of view. I plan on this being raw look into my journey, life and what lies for me ahead. FYI: I have no idea what the future holds just like everyone else. This content will also cover current events and people that inspire, including everything from food and culture to body positivity and acknowledgement / what those things actually mean. There is plenty of time for that, so I won’t get ahead of myself. These postings will all be true stories of either my life or others. I hope to invoke positivity, humility and intention throughout this blog and in our daily experiences.


According to life, my plans never work out anyways.

We’ll start from the beginning, I had graduated high school and was going to college at ACU in Abilene, TX. Six months into my freshman year I was diagnosed with Bacterial Meningitis and ended up having to withdraw from school after having a seizure in my dorm. Full disclosure, I was in the doorway of a new girl’s dorm room when I had my seizure. What a fun way to welcome her to the dorm, right? I probably scarred her for life. ANYWAYS, I came back the next spring semester full-time and worked full-time waitressing while finishing my freshman year up. During summer break I transferred waitressing locations to San Antonio. Fast forward through the whole summer- I had worked, played and was ready to get back to school in the next couple of weeks. Just when I thought things were going swimmingly, I slipped in the kitchen of the restaurant from a puddle of water that had been sitting on the floor. The resulted in me “shattering” my elbow, which required bone graft surgery, a cast and physical therapy.

I COULD NOT CATCH A DAMN BREAK. All I wanted to do was catch up in school and these deterrents kept coming my way. This was a point in my life where I was very low and depressed, I felt if I didn’t return to school I would be a failure. This a common concept of mine that if things don’t go according to my plan that has meant I failed. It’s something I continue to work on but face every so often. It was a point in time where I had to truly think about where I wanted my life to go, what kind of person I would be coming out of this. Do I even believe in signs from the universe, and what does that even mean to me? No matter what I believed this was a sign that I wasn’t going to be able to return to school  I would have to think of what my next step would be. Long story short, I ended up having to rehabilitate myself. It was a lot of hard work and sign language learning while I was in a full elbow cast but eventually after about a year I was back full mobility again (which the doctors were not sure I would ever have).

Basically, I felt like I just kept getting kicked down over and over again while trying to pursue education after high school. College honestly never felt like it was the right thing for me right after high school, but I went along with it anyways and this is what the universe returned with. My husband likes to remind me that whenever things go wrong that my plans have never worked out anyways and he’s completely right. Who made him queen of the world?! Although he wasn’t in the picture yet, there was a part of me that kept thinking that I’m being pulled in a different direction anyways, away from San Antonio and everything I’ve known.

I was fed up to put it nicely. That was it. I had decided that fine I won’t make plans on going back to school, but I will make plans for a different kind of change. I was ready to take on a new adventure, no matter what it meant or what I could lose. I wasn’t passionate about my job at the gym where I had done my rehabilitation while working with kids and I wasn’t in any kind of serious relationship. That’s about all I needed in order to kick myself in the ass to do something about it. It felt like an unknown force had been pulling me away from San Antonio. I felt detached. I’m assuming most of you reading this know me, but this journey changed me and molded me into a person who seeks growth, knowledge and compassion around every corner. Maybe I couldn’t find those qualities in myself before these moments in comparison to now when I find myself asking with intention where my next challenge will lie, what can I learn next, and who can I help along in their own journey.


As much as I love San Antonio, breakfast tacos, Los Spurs and of course my family, I felt there was anything there for me anymore. I know that may sound selfish but that’s because it was. I wanted more and I finally had an opportunity to make something happen for myself. So I decided to take a leap of faith, move away from my family and friends and see what else the world had in store for me since school wasn’t working out. I felt pressure to stay in San Antonio when people started finding out about my plans to move to Seattle, and some even said I would never do it. Which if you know me, only made me want to take on this new phase with fury.

My journey from San Antonio to Seattle is a long one and the concept was something I manifested over several years while in high school and throughout college. With a show like Grey’s Anatomy (which I was obsessed with like so many) it showed the beauty of the Pacific Northwest and it was nothing like this Texan girl has ever seen before. I watched the show for years and  I knew in my heart that I would have to go there, live there, “make it there”. My best friend at the time had been there before and LOVED it. Told me how beautiful the scenery was and how poppin’ Seattle life was. Of course I had to go there. I knew nobody, had never been there but felt like it was the thing for me to do. Crazy right? Right, but I did it anyways.

I’ve also made plenty of mistakes along the way of course, but hey that’s what learning is for.


Little did I know, the opportunity to move to Seattle came faster than I had imagined and it felt as if the next thing I knew I was all packed up with a Penske truck, apartment waiting for me along with two job interviews I hoped I would get offers from. A close friend and I drove across our beautiful country in order to make this dream I had come true. Along the whole trip there was this underlying sense of surrealness and anxiousness. This was manifestation coming to fruition. I had felt so brave and confident leading up to the big move. I had said goodbye to everyone that meant something to me, and knew that this would define me in many ways. That was up until the night before I left for the trip. I had the best intentions to stay cool and collected but in reality that never happens to me. The stress had built up so deep within me, it filled me with all of this self-doubt. Ultimately the night ended with me crying in my mommy’s arms and asking her why she would let me do something so crazy like this. She believed in me, and trusted that I had made the right decision for myself.  She was wise as usual and asked me if I cancelled everything, would I regret not at least trying? The answer was yes, yes, of course yes. I was scared, nervous and excited.. all of those big emotions you feel before you make a life changing decision but I was all in.

I was 20 when I moved across the country, and looking back (now that I am so much older and wiser at the ripe age of 24) I can see why people kept telling me how “brave” I was, because that is what it seemed but it felt like it was a chapter of my life I was ready to delve into. A chapter that I knew existed that I hadn’t been able to explore yet and there had been this internal anticipation brewing. It didn’t feel brave, it felt necessary. Of course I had no idea what the next year of my life would look like at that point. To be honest, the first year in Seattle was one of the hardest of my life. “How crazy of me to think that I could actually make this idea work”- I thought this to myself almost every day the first 6 months and it felt like maybe this wasn’t the right thing for me. I thought perhaps this was just something I had to try and learn from. There was always the option that I could go back home to San Antonio talk about my 6 months of travel and inside feel like a failure. But that moment never came. I was closer to coming back to San Antonio than ever.. and then I met Denis. Life and love is complicated and hard as hell. Sometimes things are beautiful and everything feels so special with being in love. And then life comes around and shakes things up to the point where it makes you dizzy. I’ll come back to him and our journey with each other in a separate posting but basically it just all felt like my life had been leading me to this moment.. to him and to Seattle.

Sometimes we just have to find the courage in ourselves. Spontaneously it rises up, and the things you may have been looking for externally were internal all along. Your strength truly lies within. I’ve found that we all know what we want but fears get in the way. And to those fears I invite you to:

Move to that new city.

Take that entrepreneurial risk.

Wear that daring outfit.

Wear make-up.

Don’t wear make-up.

Become brave, just do it and you’ll figure out everything you’ve ever needed is within yourself. The second best thing you can do is find someone who sees your beauty, or bravery or passion after you have already found it within yourself. It takes a while to get there for many, but the journey is so worth it. Let me end on this note, life really is too short to not do everything that makes you happy. Happiness will come with risks and failures but your heart will be full and your life will be filled with impactful moments instead of regrets. This message is universal and not only directed towards women.

To all, this about becoming the best version of yourself and it is priceless.


Thank you for reading, this is a story I have been wanting to share for over 3 years now and it is my hope that we can learn from our failures individually in order to make ourselves stronger, kinder and more compassionate humans with eachother. 

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