A short essay

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The first morning I woke up in Washington alone, it felt surreal. It legitimately didn’t feel real. Many mornings I woke up and thought I would be waking up in my bed at home in Texas. There were moments I would wake up from a dream where I was with friends in Texas then woke up feeling empty and alone. This feeling continued for many months after moving to Seattle. Maybe this feeling meant I was supposed to go back to Texas, this felt like the safest option. A part of me felt like this time in my life is just a chapter of my life to live and learn. Then I met Denis. Life felt gray for a very long time and then he put the color back into my world. He has this passion that I had never been around before. His energy was intoxicating to me. Which was of course confusing for me..

On one hand it felt like “finally, after living here for 6 months I finally felt like I had come to the moment that we had been leading up to. That true love moment we all wait for”, but it also felt like I was cheating on my new found independence although it felt lonely. This time I spent alone before Denis was incremental for me. I feel lucky to have been able to struggle and as strange as that sounds it was important to for me figure out what I wanted out of this adventure. Prior to making the big move, there was this force within me that told me this was time for me to discover myself.

What am I truly made of? I came to the realization that I was my own home. Whatever I was searching for was within me. Bravery, compassion, kindness, adventure. When I met Denis, the combination of him and I made it feel like a new home. He once told me “we could live under a bridge and still feel like home as long as we have each other”. I remember rolling my eyes at him because I know that we both craved success and it felt like a cop out. But he was right, he’s home to me now. Just as I am home to myself. These two homes are different but equally important to me. Adventures are the best thing in this life, even if they take you away from home, I hope you find home in yourself. Now I wake up next to him, and instead of waking up to the silence of loneliness he whispers “good morning beautiful”.

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